Latest Posts by lasthourstid - Page 4

Mugger: *points gun* Your money or your life

Julian: Sure thing

Julian: *hands him his ID* You got 5 siblings but you are more like a mom than an actual brother to them. Oh, and you're running a whole institute by yourself since you were 12.

Mugger: No, I mean-

Julian: *already grabbing Emma’s hand and running away* You’re late for Ty’s recital

Gabriel: I’m not going to fight with you!

Cecily: Why, because I’m a WOMAN?

Gabriel: No, because you’re scary

Cecily: Oh, alright

Christopher: Matthew, what’s a metaphor?

Matthew: “My life is a train wreck”

Christopher: I know, but what’s a metaphor?

Emma: Before you insult someone, walk a mile in their shoes, because then you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

Diego: WHERE ARE MY SHOES?

Alastair: Date me

Thomas: What?

Alastair: I said… mate with me

Thomas: Excuse me?

Alastair: I said-

Thomas: You hate me

Alastair: Yes, that

Julian: *knocks on the door*

Mark: Who is there?

Julian: It’s me, Mark

Mark: Don’t lie to me, I am Mark!

Julian: *leaves without even opening the door*

Kit: Hey, hey, hey

Ghost!Will: Kit, stop it, I’m serious-

Kit: I’m dancing on your bridge!

Ghost!Will: Just listen

Kit: fuck yOU goat man!

*At the end of Chain of Gold*

Tatiana: THIS DEMON’S SPAWN BURNED MY HOUSE TO THE GROUND!

Lucie: What is HAPPENING?

Thomas: James’ getting served

Christopher: But I haven’t even ordered yet

Inquisitor Bridgestock: ORDER

Christopher: Uh, yeah, a Cheeseburger please!

Julian: In an emergency, a crayon will burn for 30 minutes.

Kit: How long do they burn if it’s not an emergency?

Will: I didn’t do it

Jem: Then why are you laughing?

Will: Because whoever did it is a freaking genius

Group: *arguing*

Will: Calm down, you idiots wanna hear my plan or not?

[silence]

Will: That’s what I thought. So, make suggestions.

Tessa: But we thought you had a plan?

Will: MY plan is to crowdsource a plan, now it’s your turn

Kidnapper: Did you order a pizza?

Simon: … maybe

Kidnapper: So, you found a phone and instead of calling someone for help, you ordered a pizza?

Simon: Are you mad that I used your card?

Kidnapper: You wHaT?

Belial: Hey! Wake up!

Matthew, sleepily: Huh?

Belial: I just murdered your whole entire family!

Matthew: But I live alone-

Belial: Huh- then who are those people in your house?

Matthew: There are people in mY HOUSE??

Belial: Well, not anymore, dumb bitch, you could’ve died, you’re welcome

James: *aggressively banging his stele against the desk*

Cordelia: Don’t be mean to the poor thing! How would you like it if I banged you against the desk?

James:

Cordelia:

James: I don’t know the right answer to that question.

Jem: Please, don’t make fun of me if I misuse outdated cultural references, okay? Are we cowabunga on this?

Kit, about to cry: Yeah, we’re cowabunga on this

!Shadow and Bone (Netflix Show) Spoiler!

Inej throwing her knife at the Darkling has the same energy as Emma throwing hers at Sebastian in City of Heavenly Fire

Tessa, at the beginning of CA: The two of you have gone through a lot together. You really trust each other, don’t you?

Jem: Will likes to say he trusts me as far as he can throw me.

Will: It’s true!

Will: *grabbing Jem*

Jem: Wait-

Will: *yeets Jem full force across the room*

Will: It’s a joke of course, I can’t throw him far enough.

Will, narrowing his eyes: Yet

Elias: Alastair, I can give you things that last forever!

Alastair: You mean actual parental love?

Elias: I meant trauma

Ty: So as some of us know, Julian may appeal a little scary…

Kit: “A little”? That boy's a stone cold Slytherin

Will [every time he’s broke]: I’d be an amazing prostitute

Jace: you see, I just realized I have two ears so it’s a waste to listen to just one thing.

Alec: let me get this straight

Alec: you’ve only just realized you have two ears?

Thomas: So, does everyone know what they’re doing?

Matthew: You mean in life or the plan?

Thomas:

Matthew: because I’ve no idea of either.

Matthew: You consider me a friend?

Cordelia: Sure. What else would I consider you?

Matthew: I don’t know. An embarrassment? A way to rebel against your family? A desperate cry for help? The list is endless.

Matthias:

Will: How do you always know when I’m sad?

Jem: Well, you look sad and you haven’t said anything mean to Gabriel for like 3 hours.

Jem: Oh, and you’re wearing a button that says “I’m sad, ask me why.”

Charlotte: Will, the assignment was to bring something important to you

Will: Yes, and I did!

Charlotte: I meant an object, not Jem

Jace: I’ve killed more demons than I can count

Jace: Because I’ve killed a lot of demons

Jace: Not because I can’t count very high

Mark: Oh shit, a cockroach!

Julian: Well, take off your shoe and kill it!

Mark: *takes shoe off and squashes it with his bare foot*

Julian: NO-

Julian: AND WHY THE FCK WOULD YOU DO THAT??!

Kit: Why is helping someone hide a body the standard for true friendship?

Kit: Look, if you’re in trouble, I’ll lie to the cops for you. I’ll dispose of evidence. Whatever.

Kit: But please I am begging you, do not make me dig a hole. That sounds so hard.  

Dru: *Stares blankly*

😂❤

Simon, meeting the TMI gang after losing his memories: Wait, demons and are real? I thought they were just something made up to scare children... like vitamins

Magnus: Vitamins are real

Simon: Well, now I'm thinking they might be...