Alone - Blog Posts

They say it gets better with time but I think for me it will take a lifetime

if anything bad happens to these kids, i will dᴉlɟ (flip)

Finding beauty

I love the dark, but still

I’m the happiest when I feel the sun kissing my skin

I love warm weather, but still

there’s nothing compared to sitting on a sledge and rushing down a hill

I love my home, but still

breathing fresh air and hearing the birds chirping is what keeps me alive

I love being happy on my own, but still

I don’t want to go on this journey of happiness alone,

I want to share it with you

Life is full of “but still”s and there’s nothing wrong with that

As long as you can see the beauty in every single one of them

I realized that I don’t miss you

I don’t miss you

I miss the way we were when we were together

I miss being held

I miss being loved

I miss having a “us”

But not us in particular

Because we were wrong in so many ways

So no, I don’t miss you

I just miss having a you

~ excerpts of me moving on ~

And maybe you’ll never quite understand what you did to me

And maybe I’ll have to live with that

And maybe...just maybe,

That will be okay

~ excerpts of me moving on ~

Karma will handle it for me

You keep switching between me and her.

You selfish prick.

Try thinking about others for once.

We’re humans as well and your behavior towards us is nothing but inhumane.

Go fuck yourself.

“I am going to change, I promise” I never knew that changing could mean leaving Maybe not even you knew Maybe no one could

I saw that; I saw you How you kept your promise of changing How you and your mind drifted away every day a little bit more a little bit more away from me away from staying

I changed to stop you from leaving No matter how similar we may be Our words may sound the same But changing never meant leaving to me

Like I never meant home to you

stranger

You are just a stranger I introduced to my heart so it feels less empty and I less alone

I am just a stranger you introduced to your heart so I would satisfy your needs and you would feel complete 

We are just two stranger who agreed to use each other  to fill our desires in the most egoistic way possible 

a name

There is a fragile beauty  in the way you are gone There is an absurd pleasure in the way you left There is a broken soul who used to find peace  with you And there is an empty voice which used to sing your name like a song to the stars

It is funny how things change How your name lies strangely on the tip of my tongue  How I absorb every single letter to find the hidden secret to why your name was so familiar once like a soulmate to mine but now fades away with your face and the peace it promised 

But I can’t stop I can’t stop repeating your name every night like a goodnight story  to scare the ghosts inside my chest and your spirit which stayed and still dances under the moonlight I still scream your name in my head until it feels like you again

I was your place of calm in the night You left me broken and abandoned  I wish I could go back, standing strong in the corner of your heart But now I am broken, shattered into a million pieces, ripped out Only left are my splinter in your skin

I want to go back in time  Be fixed, stable and loved again Not standing in the rain, soaking the water into myself  and feel my wooden heart swallow

Stop feeling sorry Stop feeling disgusted  Look at me and remember the past The number of nights we spend together  But all I see is you wishing for something new A new place of calm in the night

I can’t sleep without you without feeling your resting body pressed against mine I am awake and so are you By breaking me, you lost your place of calm I am broken and you are restless  We did not think at all

You can blame me for my weakness But wood is not meant for eternity And no matter how much you crave for something new I will always remember the nights we shared The calm of your breath  whenever you were about to fall asleep  I would be there to catch and hold you until the morning sun arrived 

But that's not on me anymore And even when I am gone remember me remember our nights, dreams and smiles Just a moment before you fall asleep remember the comfort  we used to find and the love we used to share

You are a beautiful soul  remember that

And if he wants to leave  Let him go Because you can’t hold onto something that's already gone You can’t stop people Neither stop time or stop moving on And you will see Someday you will feel  Awake and alive again Because after all

You are a beautiful soul remember that 

I am not ready to lose this Not ready to discover another time Another time without you I am not willing to give you up Not willing to give up love the love which felt so safe I am not prepared to let you go Not prepared to move on move on and exist on my own Exist on my own on my own my own alone

I don’t want to be your    drunk text romance. I don’t want to hear your    confession of love at 1 a.m    when you are drunk   and lost in your feelings of    loneliness and desperation. I don’t want to be loved   the way you love me    whenever you feel like it. I don’t want to be loved because   you want to love someone    and I am the only one around. I want to be loved    because you love me   not because you think you do. 

A letter to a friend I loved...i love. I miss.

I miss u

I miss the talks we had, the loud laughter, the random references

I miss the silence between our talks

I miss how your voice changes while eating something. I miss your way of saying "mhhhm" when you're enjoying your delicious chocolate.

I miss you

I miss you as the person you are

I miss the person I am around you

I miss the person I used to be with you

I miss the friendship we had, because it's a matter of fact, that eventhough we said we would try it one last time, we both agreed to give up of what we had left, without knowing it. I miss the old days.

I miss to listen to your problems, eventhough they were a bit silly sometimes and I did not knew what to say, but they were important to you, so they were important to me, because you were important to me.

I miss the way I've never missed our friendship. I miss the way I've though about you. I miss the excitement I had, by thinking about calling you. I miss the enjoyment I had by talking to you, like to no one else. I miss the way I made you laught and I miss the way you've mad me laught so many times.

I miss the plans we made for our future,eventhough we knew they would never come true, but dreams will be dreams and we lived them in our head.

I miss not missing you.

I miss complaining and overthinking our friendship. I miss fearing of losing you, because that ment I haven't lost this yet. Cuz now it is not you I am writing, but my notebook.

I miss not thinking if i should write you, but just do. I miss our games and inside jokes. I miss Oleg . I miss Oleg a lot. I miss knowing what is going on in your life and I miss letting you know what is going on inside mine. I miss getting mad about you, for no real reason and I miss starting smiling out of nowhere, just because I thought about a funny thing you've said once.

I miss the way you saw me. I miss our conversations and how light and easy they could be. I miss, I hate not being able to write you because...that what we had is in the past and we both seem to have moved on...but still...sometimes you are the only person I want to talk to. I miss the way "sometimes " did not exist. I really miss not missing you.

I miss how you laughted about my really bad jokes. Damn they where bad. I miss falling asleep whit knowing you would still be there. I miss this friendship so badly I can't. It's true, you value things way more, when they are gone.

I hate this so much. I hate that we are kinda in touch, but don't talk at all and if we do, we don't come over some Texts and then everything is dead.

I don't know if we will ever be real friends again. I don't know how you may feel and I really want to know.

I don't know if there will ever be another person with whom I may experience a similar friendship. Well there is somebody I really love but it's not the same we had. And that's what I miss .... the friendship we left behind.

I hate trying to having to distract myself of not thinking about you, especially when it gets late and I don't know what to do. I am haunted by the ghost of you, of my old me, of the person we were and pretended to be.

I miss