Loneliness - Blog Posts
Been listening to…
Some days I feel so alone
In a world with so far to roam
With every sense yearning
And every way turning
I’ll eventually find my way home
"Solitude is independence."
- Hermann Hesse, Steppenwolf
Wikipedia Poem: “Cosmic Loneliness”
“Cosmic Loneliness”, a poem made of Wikipedia snippets and inspired by @headspace-hotel’s Wikipedia poems.
and it pisses me off to not have more than 24 hours in my day. i want to watch every movie that made you feel something, every song that gave you a serotonin boost, every book that broke to make you, every poem that made you fall in love a little more, every fuckin thing you ever laid your eyes on- i want to be a part of that. it pisses me off to not have known you when we both were kids: untainted, innocent, fragile but now that we are older, do you believe me?
Not everyone can afford this madness, i am not tethered to anything, loneliness is a side effect of self medicating,nothing good can come out of infinite apologies;
my tragedy is- my freedom is absolute; it's abandonment at its finest. I am everything my mother warned me not to be.
Felt this. Way too much.
when Charles Bukowski said "and when nobody wakes you up in the morning, and when nobody waits for you at night, and when you can do whatever you want. what do you call it, freedom or loneliness?"
"Weird one out"
— Forgetting one's true self to find friendship.
There's something so sad about being alone, for the sole reason that you were different. You just can't seem to fit in, you try to blend in, compete in competitions to be seen, butt into group discussions, and replacing your humor and true self to be seen, heard, and most importantly; to avoid being left out.
"You're weird."
They laugh at you, of course as a joke. They think you're quirky, a bit out of place, and awkward. You're funny to them, you're finally seen, but as a joke. It's a bitter moment for you but that's okay, it really is. It's okay because they're friendly now, right? You're their friend now, you're a part of them, all you have to do is to be funny because that's what they want from you. You need to act on this comedic persona so you'll finally have friends, don't worry they'll eventually see who you truly are once they're comfortable with you.
But they don't.
Who the hell are you kidding? You're just a casual friend to them— no, you're just an acquaintance. Oh well, you'll find other groups to try and fit in, and then you did! The kids behind class are just as quirky as you so that means they'll understand, right? With the first few you weren't so lucky but this time is different. They're different, just like you.
But they don't like you.
You don't exactly fit their archetype of what is "quirky". Unfortunately you don't fit the aesthetic they were hoping for. Even to the smaller groups you don't fit in, because they've made up their minds on who and what they are as a person. They don't know the true you since you put up too many faces to hide what's beneath, you're weird not because you're you, but because you don't even know who you are anymore.
Everyone knows you differently, in the pursuit to find companionship you've created too many faces for only one body. Which one is your true face? Do you even know yourself anymore?
It's so lonely out here.
lone lovers
we were, we are we used to be two strangers, two souls wandering through a world of small towns and drunken nights same days and a questioning mind of when there will be a time of passionate lovers, red roses and thirsty kisses and here we are now 9 months later two lovers, two dreamer wandering through the same world fed up from kisses, and drunk of desire we found what we wanted yet loneliness: even lovers can't fill all the empty spaces they carry within themselves
I don’t want to be your drunk text romance. I don’t want to hear your confession of love at 1 a.m when you are drunk and lost in your feelings of loneliness and desperation. I don’t want to be loved the way you love me whenever you feel like it. I don’t want to be loved because you want to love someone and I am the only one around. I want to be loved because you love me not because you think you do.
“food as a love language” prompts ˗ˏˋ ꒰ 🍊 ꒱
-ˏˋ. dialogue ˊˎ-
⋆ “i know you said you weren’t hungry, but i made you something anyways.”
⋆ “you seemed a little off on the phone, so i wanted to make sure you had something nice to come home to.”
⋆ “i heard you reminiscing about it the other day, so i called your mom and got the recipe.”
⋆ “hey, hey- i know you always say you don’t have time to eat breakfast before you leave, so i got up early to make you something you could eat on the go.”
⋆ "you know i don't mind that you can't help me while i'm cooking. wanna help me plate it up now?"
⋆ “of course i remembered what you like, why do you think i always have it made fresh when you come over? i’m not actually a psychic.”
⋆ "well you said you were craving [insert food] and it's too late to run to the store to grab it so yeah, i made it for you."
⋆ “come on, i can see you’re starving. just let me make you something, you know i don’t mind.”
-ˏˋ. actions / scenarios ˊˎ-
⋆ practising cooking a dish from their friend/partner's childhood in secret before serving it to them for the first time
⋆ gently reminding them to eat
⋆ always having the ingredients for their comfort meal on hand in case they have a bad day
⋆ navigating around their sensory issues with food while cooking for them without being asked
⋆ dropping off food for them during a stressful day
⋆ being patient as they teach the other how to cook
⋆ learning how to prepare food from their home country for them
⋆ wordlessly setting a meal down in front of them after they come home at the end of a long day
make 'em swoon
eyes meeting from across the room
reaching out, grabbing their hand
a subtle wink
licking their lips
a hug that gets deeper
"hi" *raspy voice*
falling asleep on each other
coming back for another kiss
pressing their foreheads together
smile that makes their eyes soften
brushing away their hair
putting their hand on the other's neck
holding them close by their hips
pulling them on their lap
smirking in a way that suggests more
drawing with their fingertips on their skin
hugging them from behind
a kiss pressed to the neck
lips brushing against their ear
whispering to them like they're alone in the world
I’ll never have time to kill. I never wanted to
but you must do
i guess i should stay and never come out
and wait for the gold to explode
because time is winding in now
the fish hooks look in tides for something
i wish i was just finely thinned out
into nothing
-s's.
Freedom to walk around and watch you look
So I take my mind off of something as blue
When the day crept on me weakly
And time was my worst enemy
You’d walk around the world
wherever you were,
unpredictably
-s's.
it’s all so heavy in ways I don’t see coming
I’m part of a crack; an idea that you lack
and I’ve bought myself down into mystery
Inviting in dreams I’ll have to look over
Bringing them in
—again and again
but it’s nothing like what’s coming
nothing is like this cruel ending
-s’s.
Loneliness
Sometimes I feel so alone that it hurts
Most of my friendships have faded to the point where they don't even bother replying to me anymore. It hurts.
And it feels so hard to make friends without friends. I hate going to places where you meet new people like parties or clubs by myself. I just feel too out of place.
It's not like I can't talk to people, there are a good number of people that I could say I'm friendly with but it's like I don't exist outside that specific context. I can't count any of those people as a real friend.
It's not like I'm just going to start going more places to meet people so I don't know why I even complain. "If we want the rewards of being loved, we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known" but I'm not sure I can get over that fear.
hello! i feel like yae miko's loneliness is a very overlooked part of her character in the fandom, i was wondering if i could request fluff/comfort with a gn reader who also feels lonely comforting each other? thank you and i hope you have a good day :)
Hi, and thank you for your request! I hope you have a good day as well :) I'm glad someone else noticed about this! The fandom will typically remember her only as being a smug Electro tall busty mommy, shipped to Ei, with a pinch of lewdness in her mind, and who gives PTSD to Gorou through teasing him... while there is a bit more to her than only that. Oh and I didn't expect it to become so long... seems like inspiration struck me for that one. I hope you like it nonetheless!
Loneliness fluff/comfort with lonely GN reader and Yae Miko
Based on the fact that only few people would find out about her loneliness, I headcanon that she can hide it very well, if not also manage it on her own fairly well
I mean, anyone other than her trustable S/O would certainly not pass beyond her front of teasing and smugness... and even there, she has an image to uphold, so she probably wouldn't speak clearly about it; only hints at best (being vulnerable remains difficult, not just for humans)
Being a youkai, she will inevitably outlive humans by several generations, which doesn't help to genuinely bond with one...
... but you're different, and, somehow, you retained her attention the moment she saw you for the first time, during a visit to the Grand Narukami Shrine
It took a bit of time to develop, but she went from just her ears lightly twitching & facing you the moment you would enter her sight, to asking for your feedback about light novels, and even accompanying her for some kitsune udon or some tea
Yet, she soon began to wonder if there isn't something else about you... something she knows too well to simply ignore
Ambient music:
At this time of day, when the Sun is down and the Moon is high in the starlit sky, rare are the guests who dare make the trip to the peak of Mt. Yougou, where lies the Grand Narukami Shrine. The head of the Shrine was taking her usual midnight stroll around, when she heard familiar steps breaking the silence.
"Well, who do we have here?"
With the grace and elegance you know well by now, her moonlit form closed the gap between the two of you.
"It isn't like you to visit me so late, S/O."
"Indeed, well... let's just say that I'm... struggling to find sleep tonight."
A light giggle escaped her lips, her facial expression softening.
"I see. After all, only a fool would make the trip up here while being sleepy."
Her sight focused into your eyes while you smiled at her words. Then, she walked besides you and, seeing that all the other shrine maidens are gone, she used this opportunity to unveil one of her tails, wrapping it swiftly around your waist.
"Come with me. The sky is clear tonight, so we ought to enjoy the view, don't you think?"
"Hmm."
You nod and move along - or rather, let yourself be led by - her, to the edge of the shrine, where lies the Sacred Sakura. The sea reflects the night's sky beautifully, and a light breeze animates the lanterns and hairs alike.
"Tell me, S/O... You didn't come here only with the hope of exhausting yourself throughout the trip, did you?"
You took a glance at her, noticing her eyes meeting yours, before you glanced back to the horizon and released a low sigh.
"An astute observation. Well..."
"You seeked some company, in the try to fill a certain void... am I right?"
You knew that foxes are considered to be smart creatures, but you certainly didn't expect her to see right through you.
"... yes. Correct."
Her eyes closed briefly, before a sigh escaped her. As they opened again, you could feel how her tail's grip increased lightly around your form... if not even pulling you a little bit closer from her.
"I have to admit, I'm simultaneously afflicted but also... relieved, in a way, that you are the close one who can relate to the void. No matter how satisfying or amusing a daily routine may be... ultimately, when the quiet settles in, certain thoughts tend to return. These thoughts that we would rather not pay attention to during the day... but which we can't really avoid at night."
A frown fills your face as you think about her words and connect the dots, bit by bit, while remembering moments where you simply sat down and remained still, as if paralyzed by the void - only tonight the idea of a mind-cooling stroll reached your mind. She stares at you the whole time, resting her cheek in the palm of her hand, while her elbow rests on the railing.
"So, you also... feel lonely?"
"Well, it would be a lie to say this feeling is completely unknown to me."
"I... see."
She exhales, calmly, before reaching out for you with her hand, gently embracing your hand with hers. You glance down at her hand at first, before leading your sight up to her face, just to be welcomed by a comforting smile.
"Come."
Trusting her, you nod and let yourself be led inside a building from the shrine. From this point on, she knees down and gently pulls your form along - ending up with your head comfortably resting on her laps, and her 4 other tails emerging from behind, enveloping your body in a comfortable and fairly cozy embrace.
"I will keep watch against those evil thoughts tonight. We don't want them to interrupt my dear S/O now, mhh?"
You gaze up at her face as she gently breathes those words out. She uses her 5 tails to slowly rub along your back, while one of her hands strokes along the back of your head then neck, some of her delicate fingers even caressing your cheek.
Unprepared for this divine level of comfort, your lips part lightly in surprise, and it doesn't take long until you release a yawn, and for your eyes to feel heavy.
She admires how you manage to untense, even to feel comfortable enough to progressively doze off, right on her laps - feeling safe in her presence, when anyone else would be put off by her teasing. You don't and won't escape from it, mind you, but she gives you a special, softer treatment, only reserved to those worthy of her close and private attention... and tonight, you discovered a new side of it.
For once in a while, you feel lighter, as if a weight was taken off your shoulders. You needn't worry, this time, about the recurring thoughts, because they have no reason to come tonight: at long last, someone else shares the burden of the void with you.
And, for once in a long time, she needn't worry too much about her image to uphold: she's no longer alone, when it comes to dealing with loneliness. Her dear S/O knows, too, how it feels, and even if she would never admit it openly and clearly, she's grateful to have met an understanding S/O like you - someone whose presence in her near, is already a comfort in itself.
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Hello there, and welcome! 😊
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I'm a male alien INFJ (at least, I strongly suspect it) who descended in this mortal realm in the year of 1998. I have a little bit of writing experience, though I wouldn't call it a proper hobby...
After the idea floated around my mind for a while now, I decided to give a try to writing headcanons/short fics, specifically for Genshin Impact (with now a bit of Honkai Star Rail), with a particular focus on comfort/fluff.
I got inspired to do this after seeing how often I would turn to comfort or fluff content on tumblr, as a way to cope with the void of loneliness (sometimes overthinking too). As such, why not add my own contribution... as long as it can, hopefully, provide some relief to one person out there.
Asks are open (anon allowed) for requests and chatting (and DMs for chatting if you feel like it) 👀
Please read all the rules first though!
Universes I can write for
Genshin Impact
Honkai Star Rail
Characters I feel rather confident to write for
Genshin Impact
Kamisato Ayaka
Yae Miko
Fischl
Furina (before or after 4.2 archon quest)
Lumine (with or without Paimon)
Honkai Star Rail
Ruan Mei
Here below, characters I may possibly write for
I'm not as confident regarding them, so "ask at your own risks", I suppose. For those I didn't mention, I'm not against writing for them... Maybe, I can actually write them well, and I just don't know it yet 🙃
Genshin Impact
Zhongli
Neuvillette
Sangonomiya Kokomi
Nahida (strictly platonic and SFW, obviously)
Chiori
Navia
Albedo
Nilou
Charlotte
Yanfei
Amber
Wanderer
Beidou
Lisa
Arataki Itto
Clorinde
Keqing
Shenhe
Honkai Star Rail
Black Swan
Robin
Sparkle
March 7th
Tingyun
What I can write
reader X character (with reader by default as gender neutral for wider audience's sake, unless a request demands a different one)
mainly fluff and comfort (reader comforting, or being comforted by character)
I don't exclude mentions of hurt or angst as context for the above (unless a request specifically demands it), some conditions related to mental health (loneliness, overthinking and its consequences) aren't excluded either
platonic (not entirely confident with romance, see Miscellaneous below), eventually light romance, but nothing intense
headcanons, eventually fics (fics may be included in headcanons if I'm feeling inspired; no guarantees though)
What I would rather not write
Unless you're lucky and your request is within my abilities, just be aware though they're not my preferences (= you would be wise to ask someone who actually writes for those, instead of me)
smut/+18/NSFW/NSFL (not out of dislike/disgust/discomfort, but due to no experience in writing this kind of sensitive stuff)
intense romance & flirting (not really into romance, so, better to be safe than sorry...)
yandere (no experience in this)
genderswap (not really interested...)
character x character (check above, "intense romance & flirting")
Miscellaneous:
By default, the reader will be gender neutral and referred to as S/O (please specify in the request, if you wish for specific nicknames or other pronouns to be used!), I want my blog to be open to everyone 😊
Multiple requests are allowed
I aim to write characters in a realistic manner, meaning I will base myself upon canon actions & voice lines from them
I'm not familiar with everything regarding LGBT+ and the autism spectrum (I'm not against writing about them, it's just that it will be a bit more difficult, and will require some research on my side)
I may not accept every request I receive (I'm no professional writer; plus, everything is done for free, during my free time)
I plan to add a link to ambient music to listen to, for immersion's sake (it may be emotional on purpose, at times), ideally to open in a new tab, so it can keep playing in background as you scroll along
Please don't interact if you don't have a civilized behavior; that is to say, be respectful, no hate, etc...
Headcanons are called headcanons for a reason; it's fine if you don't agree with mine, but that doesn't allow you to consider yours as superior/the only one 😉
If you own a blog which has "men dni" (or "mutuals only" and we aren't)... then what are you still doing here? *vine boom sound effect* Just kidding, I don't mind you interacting (I'm not like other men, and it's not like I could choose my gender at birth anyway; arbitrary discrimination be damned), though be aware this would technically be hypocrisy... so you ought to use anon, for your own public image's sake 🤨
Take care and have a nice day/night 😊