⭐️rving - Blog Posts

current mood

coloring in my colleges library while trying not to cry 👍

stupid rant

I feel like all my friends are pulling away from me and I don’t know why.

no one responds to my texts yet they don’t text me without me doing so first, or they say that they didn’t see my message when I can see when they read it. Everyone has time to hang together, but when I ask to join they have too many people even though it’s just my roommate and our two friends. Suddenly everything that we all used to do gets pushed to the side only for me to see them posting about how fun their day was, but they told me it was canceled.

I feel like I’m being excluded from my own friend group, and I hate this feeling of abandonment. I don’t like being lonely. And I might be overreacting but if you were in my place, you’d probably feel the same way!

when i actually do get “included” it’s like im not even there, i got talked over and brushed past, it’s like im a ghost. I thought part of college would be better then high school, but turns out it’s the exact same, full of fake friends and people that only want to use you for their own gain. Fuck this place and fuck my friends

life update

over the past few weeks a lot has happened that I haven't talked about on here. to sum it up there's this man that's been stalking me since November and my college is doing next to nothing about it.

ive been to a fuck ton of meetings about it and I had one today where someone finally took me seriously about how this guy is not a student but instead a guy that's old enough to be my father. he knows where I live and just stands across the Road or paces by the door waiting.

its creepy as fuck and has left me feeling unsafe and like im being watched all the time. im terrified of walking by myself and im jumpy no matter what.

my friends are mostly being people that I can lean on but just today a close friend of mine has told be to not keep them updated and that they don't care. it might be an extreme reaction, but when things like this happen I block their number for a bit to give people space and to take a step back.

I want to continue being active on Tumblr but everything is getting to me and im honestly this close to deleting all of my socials and not talking to anyone on my campus. this on top of my eating disorder is not going well at all. im In a constant state of binging and then purging it all from worry and then I starve for 3 days and then I repeat the fucking cycle all while going to classes and meetings with the head of our campus security. it wasn't until today that I fully told my boyfriend what's been going on because I didn't want to admit that im being stalked as that would make it seem more real.

this on top of the state of the us is making me really debate why im still here. I might have stopped being super suicidal, but the urge to slit my wrists is coming back super strong. ive even started writing in my old journal about it while also drawing out how I have been feeling in it.

everything is getting to be too much for me and I want it all to end immediately. I NEED it to end before I end it all once and for all guys.

I got kinda bored while waiting for my meeting time, so enjoy the avatar I made of myself. depending on how much I like it, I might make it my profile!

idk

sometimes it’s nice to have an equally disorders roommate, we understand each other’s struggles. Tn we decided to go on a night drive and to stay up all night to cope with everything going on in the world. I think we will be out till about 1 ish

psa- Ana/ED coaches

hey guys, I just wanted to post a little psa about Ana coaches. you really need to be careful about who you talk to on here, especially those under the age of 18. just today I got a dm about someone wanting to be my coach, however due to be being in a lecture hall I didn't want someone to read over my shoulder to I didn't look at their profile. this is something that you should do before responding.

honestly their username should have given it away, and that's something to keep an eye out for. they started the dm very kind and asked me what weight I wanted to get down to and the first they I ask is if they were one of those creepy Ana coaches and they said "I am a little creepy" GUYs this is such a red flag! I should have stopped responding a blocked them immediately, but I wanted to get more information so that I can tell you all what to look out for.

there are some people on this site and on others, who might have a sexual liking for those who are dieting or are a part of the Ana/ ED community. they went on to asking me how I would like to start and I flat out said that I had no interest in being involved in any kind of sexual or kinky thing that they clearly wanted and that if they wanted that then to go elsewhere as I am not that kind of blog. and while they did eventually back off, there are some people on here that might be more persistent.

please, pleaseee be careful about who you interact to on here especially if you are a minor- even more so if your age is in your bio as that is what they look for.

if you see the blog name 'memeandom' in your dms and they are asking if you are looking for an Ana coach and you are A. under age, B. not a sexual or kinky blog block them and if they persist then report them.

first day of the new semester!

Y’all it’s fucking freezing rn

my first cross stitch

There’s really not much to this post, I just wanted to share the finished piece of the cross stitch I started. This is gonna get turned into a quilt pillow for my aunts birthday in March, I really hope she likes it. She’s obsessed with the beach and if she could would spend every day there- as I kid I used to think she was a mermaid in disguise lol-

I ended up not doing the little knot details because I couldn’t get it and was becoming a little bit frustrated, but I plan to try again at this on a future project

Ana Story

about halfway through my first semester of college I had a friend of mine that I spoke to about my ed, he never judged me and while I knew that he was worried he never tried to force me into recovery- at least at that time- sometimes he forgot that there were some things that triggered me. The time that I talking about was when I started bingeing quite a bit due to stress, anyway to see the scene I had a lot of food on my plate and as I sit down he looks over to me and says” are you gonna eat all that? Can you really handle it? If not I’ll finish it for you” I think he saw the look on my face of pure guilt and regret, because as I tried to take another bite I stopped and pushed the plate away and said “nvm I not hungry anymore”. It wasn’t until later that I got a text from him saying that he didn’t realize that what he said caused me to stop eating and that some of the other people at our table told him that what he said probably made me feel like shit- which it did and I ended up going on a 4 day fast that ended with me fainting in class-

I haven’t spoken to him in a while, mostly because of winter break. He’s a good friend but really wants me to recover eventually, he’s got a bit of a hero complex- which I don’t really mind- he’s super easy to talk to and is a safe space for me. There’s been times when we both couldn’t sleep so we go on hour long walks around campus just talking, then we sit somewhere on campus talking more long into the night. There was this one time that we laid on the concrete infront of the chapel just staring at the night sky, it was so peaceful. id like to experience that at least one more time in my life, just to hear him call me is angel again

This is us laying on the floor in one of the dorm halls kitchen while our friends make cookies, it’s sometime around 1 am at this point. We’re all tired but there’s too much on our minds to sleep, it was strangely peaceful and calming even though we all had so much going on.

craft update

yesterday after going to the dentists, my nana wanted to go to the craft store to look around since there was a big sale and I had a coupon. So we walk around and I offhandly mentioned that I wanted to try doing cross stitch, so she goes all in and gets me a starter kit and some of the fabric for it. I even have some embroidery floss that’s back at home.

anyway I wanted to show everyone my new hobby lol

I’ve spent a little over 5 hours on this guys, why is it so addictive!

winter photos

I’m officially going back to my college dorm this Saturday so you know what that means, fasting without my family pressuring me to eat every chance they get!

ngl I really was glad that I could visit my family for a while school way getting to be too much for me during finals so this was a great time to reset.

crochet blog

I haven’t had too much time to crochet, but i figured I show what I’ve got done lately

It’s honestly not a lot just because I haven’t been feeling too well, but I plan on doing more in the morning

update found out that it wasn’t just breaking my fast that fucked up my stomach, but also the norovirus so that was a great experience.

I’m doing better now, however my sister accidentally caught it from me so now she’s sick. I took a little bit of a break from posting so that I could recover as all I could do was drink water, sleep, drink more water, vomit, drink even more water then sleep for 10 hours and sleep be exhausted when I get up.

I will say it was nice to sleep so much as I have reallllly bad insomnia and rarely get to sleep more than 2-3 hours. Most of the time I might be able to get 3 hours of sleep but it’s with periods of wakefulness. I feel like every 10 minutes of sleep I get I can’t sleep for 20-30 minutes, I’ve been off of melatonin for a while now just to give my body a break from it as in high school I was taking waay more then the recommended amount for someone of my height and weight.

Yall I broke my fast/ diet restriction and I regret it soo much. Not just because of my weight loss goals, but mainly because everything that I had( which wasn’t much) fucked with my stomach so badly

little story

wow I love living in a townhouse and when I go to let my sister into the house ( after losing her keys) only to look behind her an see 7+ police cars at the neighbor across from us. This is a every few month experience for our neighborhood.

when we first moved into this house my mom got woken up to a banging on the door and strobe lights, only to open the door and in her words “a very good looking police officer” greeted her to ask about our next door neighbors, he was very understanding about how we don’t know them as we LITERALLY JUST MOVED IN.

my sister got woken up shortly after because they were calling out to the neighbors to get them to all walk outside and do the normal SWAT team shit, because yes my neighbors got SWATTED.

Now you might by asking, ‘but Daphie where were you when this happened?’ Dead asleep that’s where 😂

I slept through a fucking swatting, I have no memory of this happening until I was told about it in the morning.

moral of the story I can sleep through anything if I slept through a SWAT team- I have a few more stories like that in college lol

ok so, my second semester of college starts soon, and im already starting it off in a bad mental state. I got an email saying that im being placed on academic probation :/

im thinking about posting about how my days go a little bit more and what it's like trying to get off of that probation.

I feel bad for not being as active as I normally am, but I contracted the norovirus from a boy that I babysit and it's been hell.

i'm not complaining but I could do without the feeling like shit every second of my days.

I got my permit guys!!!!

guys I’m so nervous, I’m about to go and try to get my permit again!

guys I’m so nervous, I’m about to go and try to get my permit again!

Photo haul of college

I have sooo many photos of my first semester, this isn’t even half of it

My throne

throne.com

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Send Daphie gifts via Throne. Browse Daphie's favorite products listed on their Throne Wishlist via throne.com.

a friend of mine recommended I do this here, I’m still a little unsure about it though

crochet vlog

so I’ve been making my sister a crochet granny square blanket and it’s 2 ish days before Christmas. It’s sloooowly coming together but I’m hoping to finish it tomorrow

I’ll add another post about this if I end up finishing it, but it’s looking promising! Oh yea, my cat snickers has been keeping me company while I do this lol

forgot to post this yesterday lol

Breakfast: skipped

Lunch

Broccoli 20

Steak teriyaki 120

Rice 110

Dinner: skipped

Total 250

little update

I started a water fast for the week to drop a few pounds right, so i was only drinking water, taking my daily vitamins, and having a few strawberries. But that couldn't keep up with my body and what i was doing, so while i was at a carnival with my boyfriend and some of our friends, i ended up fainting at one point then getting insanely nauseous. Which honestly in the long run helped me get out of eating at the carnival because theres really no way of seeing how many calories are in carnival food, so win lose i guess. i feel bad because i worried my boyfriend over nothing, all he asked of me was that i took a little break for the rest if the day from my fast to eat some fruit and sip on a juice box. At the most i think that was about 25 extra calories and seeing as I've barely been hitting my calorie restriction (which is 500) and at the time i was only at 85, i think it was ok to take a break for the moment. Ill be back at it tomorrow though.

it’s fucking summer and here i am with my fat rolls hanging out in front of all these skinny people. i can’t stop staring. i wish that was me. someone just cut the fat off me i beg

I just realised that people don’t see me the same as I was just a few month ago, as a skinny 45kg beautiful young man.. they see me as a fat guy who is trying to compensate his weight by trying to look stylish and hot; but in reality I’m just fat and ugly. And that’s exactly how they see me.

I’m starting a wl challenge!!! 💕

I’ve decided to defeat the fatty in me by going on a 600ckal deficit for two weeks, and my MAIN GOAL is to aim for 50% protein intake

Protein diet once got me from 55kg to 45kg just in about a month, and I was toned af (I was literally getting complimented from random by passers every day)

Also, I’m doing a harsh gym challenge: every day for those two weeks I will go to the gym to get rid of the fat and build core muscles instead

Also, fasting for 16 hours every day is acquired

There’s also one more rule: only eating 1,5 hours before and after the gym workouts, since it’s the best for muscle gain and quick weight loss

I’m also planning to post my meals on here so I feel too ashamed to binge or not get those 50% of protein intake

Anyone wanna join the challenge? ;]

Basically, I sadly failed my bonesp0 fucking diet. I held onto it for about 4 days, and everything was going great, until a friend of mine decided to FORCE me to eat pizza with her.

She wanted to eat pizza really bad at my place, so I was like “alright, sure, I’m gonna feed you girl”, but then when the pizza was ready she stared going onto me and told me that she won’t eat until I will eat a slice of pizza too, and since she was really hungry it would be MY fault that she wouldn’t eat.

I ended up eating the pizza and then eating around 2000 ckalories every day until Tuesday..

Literally so fucking embarrassing. Now I’m trying a 400ckal deficit.

Wish me luck ;,].

“why aren’t u eating anything” god forbid a girl has goals