„People who make you feel better about yourself when you’re down are literally so important”
-Unknown
another night has taken my heart, ripped it out of my hollow chest, to feed it to the moon and her shining children stars
this easy I've lost my heart, as easy as I did with you. oh baby I've been bagging you to forget our unspoken words. silence hurts differently and I know mine burns the worst
I have become a monster, rough claws, a hateful voice, green eyes, red lips, cold bones. are you ready to fight my demon? because oh baby, I have already lost the war
Go on, my love let's change our sheets let the dull whiteness reinvent our desire
Let's move, my love find a new house to call it home and ignore the empty space we can’t fill on our own
Let's go, my love what do you try to say? you would rather leave then to stay forever the same?
today I love you
tomorrow I hate you
next week we are forgotten
today you love me
tomorrow you miss me
next week we are forgotten
I did not expect to find a heavy heart like mine in hollow hands like yours
“I am going to change, I promise” I never knew that changing could mean leaving Maybe not even you knew Maybe no one could
I saw that; I saw you How you kept your promise of changing How you and your mind drifted away every day a little bit more a little bit more away from me away from staying
I changed to stop you from leaving No matter how similar we may be Our words may sound the same But changing never meant leaving to me
Like I never meant home to you
Loving you is just another way of self-harm
Honey, you want to heal? forget the ugly words and the things he did how he blew out the candle and you found yourself lost as the light faded away
Honey, you want to move on? Let go of the past and the “I love you”s you shared Take back the person you gifted the time you shared Take back everything you don’t want him to keep
Honey, you want to live again? Leave the sadness you found after love and start all over again Find love in yourself and the things you enjoyed Make room in your mind by throwing him out Find comfort in being alone
Honey, is that what you want? Healing, moving on and living? Because the truth is, it’s all in your hands but you rather remain in your situation Do you fear that the pain it takes to let it go would be more hurting than the pain you are currently in?
Honey, you won’t heal by rereading and relistening old text messages and voice mails You won’t move on by asking the universe for a call from him You won’t live again by reliving the memories you saved in your mind
You won’t find yourself by searching him
Honey, stop it, Stop procrastinating on the future Stop hurting yourself with the past Don’t throw yourself away It’s your love where you will find yourself again Not his
It’s you where you will gain the power from to heal move on and live again
You can’t make a home out of a person
and at the end, it’s all I wanted to make you my home fill your body with my spirit fill my soul with your love to find me in your mirroring eyes I wanted to make a home out of you feel your presence next to mine breath your air which filled your lungs once and now fill mine
And still no matter how hard I tried to make a home out of you to hold on to the idea of what we could be you were never mine you were never my home no matter how hard I tried because you can’t make a home out of a person
I was your place of calm in the night You left me broken and abandoned I wish I could go back, standing strong in the corner of your heart But now I am broken, shattered into a million pieces, ripped out Only left are my splinter in your skin
I want to go back in time Be fixed, stable and loved again Not standing in the rain, soaking the water into myself and feel my wooden heart swallow
Stop feeling sorry Stop feeling disgusted Look at me and remember the past The number of nights we spend together But all I see is you wishing for something new A new place of calm in the night
I can’t sleep without you without feeling your resting body pressed against mine I am awake and so are you By breaking me, you lost your place of calm I am broken and you are restless We did not think at all
You can blame me for my weakness But wood is not meant for eternity And no matter how much you crave for something new I will always remember the nights we shared The calm of your breath whenever you were about to fall asleep I would be there to catch and hold you until the morning sun arrived
But that's not on me anymore And even when I am gone remember me remember our nights, dreams and smiles Just a moment before you fall asleep remember the comfort we used to find and the love we used to share
I don’t have anything to hide My shadows are enlightened My words are spoken What are your secrets? Show me your ghosts the demons you try to drown every night in the liquid you call solution
Falling in love is its own kind of violence
I created a new person for you but as much as I created It wasn't enough for you.
Last night I’ve dreamed about you.
I’ve dreamed about us
About the past, the fight, and the short but yet so beautiful periods of peace.
I’ve dreamed about you and your beautiful laugh and your even prettier smile.
I’ve dreamed and I fell back in love, in love with us and the past.
I’ve felt relieved to have you back. To have the past back, like nothing ever happened. Like this is just as and how we use to be.
We didn’t share a world together, we created a universe. Both of us used to live on our own planet, but there was no space between our worlds. Not a tiny bit.
But who of us knew how fatal it would be when two worlds who were ment to be together, would separate for a moment? Who of us knew, that a moment could mend eternity? Who of us knew that there is a universe, where our worlds would be miles away from each other? Who of us knew how broken our worlds were? Who of us knew that our universe was about to fall apart?
And than
I woke up.
Alone in my bed.
Shivering from the cold you left behind.
Searching you desperately in my bed.
Where are you?
Why aren’t you here?
What happened?
Was this really just a dream?
There is too much space without you.
Too much.
I can’t
breath
But still
You are gone.
Because it was me who left.
Because there was nowhere to stay.
Because we couldn’t fix our worlds once again.
Maybe it was me who left.
But it was you who didn’t said a word.
Not even goodbye.