The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Blog Posts
[TLH Group Chat]
Lucie: Hey guys, if you post your password in the groupchat it’ll block out!
Lucie: *******
Lucie: See?
Cordelia: That’s so cool!
Cordelia: *****
Matthew: heronchild4ever69
Matthew:
[Matthew has left the chat]
Simon: Hey, what is your greatest fear?
Alec: Losing a loved one
Simon: That’s deep…
Simon: … mine is the kool aid man, but I feel kinda stupid about it now
James: Aww, you’re so romantic, lighting candles for me
Grace, drawing a pentagram: I’m about to sacrifice you, if you haven’t noticed yet.
Matthew, violently shaking: I DON’T UNDERSTAND, I’VE FED THEM, WATERED THEM, WHY ARE THEY DEAD?!
James: Matthew, please put the fertilizer down, you’re scaring us.
Tessa: I wonder where we will be in twenty years
Will: Dead
Tessa: Let’s think positive!
Jem: We will all have a nice house-
Will: … 6 feet under ground
Kit: *crying* You’ve failed me. I thought I could trust you. Once again, I’ve been left homeless. After all I’ve done for you!
Mina:
Jem:
Tessa: I think we should stop playing monopoly…
Will, rolling down the car window: What seems to be the problem, officer?
Cop: Get the FUCK out of my car!
Mark: Hi, I’ve stolen your identity and I’ve been living as you for a week.
Julian: …
Mark: [starts crying]
Julian: [hugging him] hey, it’s okay…
Mark: [loud sobbing] How do you even get up in the morning?
Julian: Shh, I know, I know. It’s gonna be okay.
Modern Lucie x Jesse
[texting]
Jesse: Hi, who is this? Grace was bored and changed all my contacts to mythical creatures.
Lucie: What’s mine?
Jesse: Dwarf
Lucie: SHE’S SO MEAN I’M NOT THAT SHORT!
Jesse: Oh, hi Lucie
Lucie: FUCK
Charles: Whenever I’m mad at Matthew I tighten the lids on all of our jars so that he has to ask me for help…
*sound of glass shattering, screaming from distance*
Charles: It hasn’t worked yet…
Clave member: Now we’re going to run a few tests. This is a simple lie detector. I’ll ask you a few questions and you just answer truthfully. Do you understand?
Charles: Yes
*lie detector explodes*
Charlotte: Let’s spice things up
Henry: But I’m allergic to chilli
Charlotte: I meant in the bedroom
Henry: It doesn’t matter in what room we eat, Lottie, I’m still allergic to chilli
Kit: I thought I was meowing back to church for the past few hours
Kit: Turns out it was just Jem and I meowing at each other from different rooms in the house.
Police Officer: Turn around
Matthew: 🎵 Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you’re never comin’ round 🎵
Police Officer: TURN AROUND
Matthew: 🎵 Every now an-
Matthew: *gets tased*
Jem: I just wish you would admit that you made a mistake
Will, stirring salt into his tea: No, I like it like this!
Will: You need a hobby
James: I do have a hobby!
Will: Well, being angsty and sad isn’t a hobby!
Matthew from distance: It isn’t?!
Kit: Come on guys, let’s just hug it out!
Jem, Tessa, Mina and Kit: [struggle into group hug]
Jem: Ok, who took my wallet?
Kit: Sorry
Will: [pours salt in Jem’s tea]
Jem: [sips tea]
Will:
Jem: [finishes tea]
Will: … didn’t the tea taste weird?
Jem: Well, yes. But I didn’t want to hurt your feelings so I drank it all.
Will, tearing up: Okay
Matthew: WELCOME TO FUCKING APPLEBEE’S, DO YOU WANT APPLES OR BEES?
Alastair: … Bees?
Matthew: HE HAS SELECTED THE BEES!
Alastair: Wait...
James, approaches them as he shakes a jar of bees: 😊
Alastair: wAit-
At a restaurant
Cecily: Hey, are you single?
Gabriel, blushing: Y- Yes, I am.
Cecily: [takes away the extra chair in front of him]
Cecily: Thanks
Anna: Yo, is that guy sleeping or dead?
Matthew: Hopefully dead, I hated that guy.
James: Yeah, so did I.
Alastair, laying on the floor: First of all, fuck you all-
Will: I found James. He was sleeping while training again.
James: I wasn’t sleeping, someone drugged me!
Will, turning around to Tessa: Cancel that, he was doing drugs.
Kit: I know you’re a hero in the Shadow World, but what about the mundane side?
Jace: No, I’m wanted in six states for arson
Kit:
Jace: and homicide
Matthew: You should take off your glasses more often
James: *stops*
James: *looks around*
Matthew: What is it? Did you lose anything?
James: It looks like I lost all my fucks and I have none to give
James: I’m not scared of you! None of us are!
Christopher: I kind of am
James: Christopher, shut up!
Cordelia: Knowledge is power
Alastair: Yes
Cordelia: *smacks him with a trigonometry textbook* KNOWLEDGE
Will: I’m amazing at picking locks. It’s my specialty
Will: *smashes window with a baseball bat and opens door from the inside*
Will: See? It’s easy
James: I love you, Lucie. Even if you are Dad's favorite.
Lucie: Me? WHaT? No!
James: It's true. Look, if we were sitting in a sinking boat, you know who he's saving.
Lucie: Cordelia
James: ... yes
James: A-C-D-F-B-G-
Lucie: What are you saying?
James: I’m singing the alphabet
Lucie: That’s not the alphabet-
Matthew from upstairs: YASSS GIRL REMIX