Latest Posts by joonsdiiimple - Page 4

That was... Intense. Thank god, thank god, thank god. I might be falling. But i know it's sincère.

Histologia went bad. Like, bad. I've never ever in my life had such a bad grade. Am i surprised? No. But it does feel awful to be so bad at something and not being able to change it before things like these happen.

Semiología is worrying me, i don't feel prepared, I'm not ready for that exam. I am terrified of failing again.

It actually feels nice to tell my friends I'm not available on friday because I've got a date.

I wanna be with her so bad. Like I'm craving her touch, her existence near me.

We were two hours on call, after days without one because of me studying. She's so sweet, and I'm so grateful because she helped me learn all those vitamin's names. She's the best.

Never forgetting how i once said i wanted to take my organs out to stop feeling psychological pain and then stopped and said "ok i think im over reacting"

*screaming crying almost having a panic attack* i think im over reacting

Im actually scared of what my mind does to me. Catastrophic thinking, telling me people i love hate me. I feel like I'm gonna go crazy somehow soon enough to see things come true.

¿Me quieres qué?

Worst part of trauma after abusive relationships is that you never see relationships the same way again. Never. Ever. Again.

The way i communicate with somebody i love or i like is different. It is never direct on what i'm supposed to ask for. And always scared of a bad reaction. I'm terrified of people i love. People who haven't done anything but treat me right.

I wish i knew how to comfort people. I'm so bad at it, i get so stressed because i want to make her feel better and feel okay. But i never know what to say.

well, at least i got one exam right !!!

Now it's showtime

Well if it isn't the consequences of my own actions, wassup?

Got anatomy and mental healthcare exams today. I domt know why everything has feel so difficult lately, so tiring, so stressful.

I miss first year, it was difficult but it was NOT like this. I feel so bad and so incapable of doing my work. I am letting people i love down.

God knows if i wasn't depressed i would be sosososo powerful, i would be in total capacity. But my brain feels like it need something to work properly. Idk.

I just want exam season to be over right away

She's probably right, there's something wrong with me. But I'm not sure what it is exactly. What i know is that I'm slowly liking her more and more than i expected to. And i love that. But I'm scared of getting hurt again by somebody, sobre todo because I'm giving her the keys to where my heart is.

I want to be covered in bruises and scars

I want to look like the most damaged person you’ve ever fucking seen

self harming by trying to make your symptoms worse on purpose

When you start S/H at a young age and so now you have a habit of looking at people's arms, legs, or thighs to see if they did/do it too<<<<<<

Recap

It's been some time... Right. So, i changed everything, because i made this profile when i was going through a rough time with my ed and sh problems, i was a teenager. A child. A literal baby.

I still got sh problems, but they've been better now, i have been way better than when i used to be around here. I'm not trying to go get my old ways again, because that's way dumber than just recycling this account as something else.

So, is nice meeting you all again, I'm Anne, and i am mentally ill.

argentina once again being absolutely INSANE and right at the same time

So, i did some SH again some days ago.

I feel bad, but i actually felt good after doing it. And that's exactly the problem.

I can't stand nor think of cutting myself again. I want to use short shirts and i really hate to keep using sweaters when i'm dying of hotness.

But i don't want my friends to worry. I don't want to make them think i'm doing bad again, because i swear i'm not. It's been two years, and i relapsed. That was really hard.

Relapsing be like:

Y’all be safe playing among us. I now its a social game but like don’t give out your name or what school you go to. Like I’m sure people might Not track you down using that information but im 23 years old and I grew up during a time were they made us fear strangers and putting information online.

mutuals feel free to kick my ass

if my parents got money everytime they compare me with my brother, or everytime they minimize my problems, or everytime they made me feel less

they would be millionaire, but still wouldn´t buy things to their childs ´cause that´s not necessary 😍😍😍💕💕💕

autistic self diagnosis is valid

concept: cowboy hat with cat ears

"But I can't have an eating disorder BECAUSE..."

“I eat too much!” There is no maximum calorie limit for eating disorders. An eating disorder is not about what you eat, but how you eat- your feelings/thoughts about your body and your intake.

“I’m not underweight!” The majority of people who develop an eating disorder will never become underweight. The only disorder that is diagnosed based partially on weight is anorexia- and for that, if you’re an average weight but meet every other criteria, you’ll still be diagnosed with ‘atypical anorexia nervosa’. It doesn’t mean you aren’t sick or that you don’t need help.

“I don’t meet the anorexia/bulimia guidelines!” OSFED (formerly known as EDNOS) is not a ‘failed’ eating disorder. It is every bit as serious as anorexia or bulimia. It is also the most commonly diagnosed eating disorder, meaning more people have this than anorexia or bulimia.

“I don’t make myself sick!” Vomiting is only one form of purging. You can have bulimia, anorexia or OSFED/ARFID and not make yourself sick.

“I still eat!” So does everybody else. You can’t photosynthesise, after all. Even people with eating disorders eat.

“I feel like a fake/ a fraud!” So does basically every single other eating disordered person. This is a really, really, really, really common feeling. You might feel guilty for ‘misleading’ other people into believing the problem is more serious than it is, or feel like you’re overblowing things. That’s totally normal and it is not true. You are not a fake or a fraud.

“I eat things that no real anorexic would eat!” I have known eating disordered patients with these safe foods: chocolate, frozen meat pizza, fruit, ice cream cones, potatoes, granola I have known eating disordered patients with these fear foods: : chocolate, frozen meat pizza, fruit, ice cream cones, potatoes, granola Safe/fear foods are not based on logic or reason. They are individualised. There are even people who don’t have any fear foods- they’ll eat anything, they’ll just feel crappy and purge it/ restrict afterwards. All of the experiences described here are those of a person with an eating disorder.

“I’ve never been inpatient!” Neither have most eating disorder sufferers.

“I’ve never been tube fed!” Neither have most eating disorder sufferers.

“I’ve never been near death!” Neither have most eating disorder sufferers.

“My blood work/ blood pressure is fine! Eating disorders affect different bodies in different ways. Some people find their blood work suffers; others find their blood pressure or pulse dips; others find that, whilst they’re suffering hugely mentally, their bodies hold up well. This is not a measure of how ‘sick’ you are. All of these things- weight, bp, pulse etc- are just symptoms of the sickness. The sickness is in your head.

“I don’t feel sick enough.” You never will. Sorry. “I’m not sick enough!” is one of the most common ED thoughts there is; please don’t listen to it. It is a lie. Do not compare your misery to someone else’s; nobody with stage I cancer says ‘yeah, but that person is a stage III, so I’m not really that bad and I won’t get any treatment yet’.

“I still get my period!” ‘Period loss’ has been removed from the DSM as necessary for a diagnosis of anorexia, and no other eating disorder requires it. It was viewed as a flawed measure of illness, and so it has been removed. Whether or not you get your period is not an indication of how ill you are.

“But I binge eat without throwing up” Binge eating disorder is a newly added eating disorder in the DSM, where people eat large amounts of food in an ‘out of control’ manner but then do not compensate inappropriately for it. It is very much a real eating disorder.

“I don’t calorie count/ weigh myself!” I know many people with eating disorders- including anorexia- who have never calorie counted, or who don’t own a pair of scales. It’s not required for diagnosis.

“I think about food all the time!” This is a symptom of an eating disorder. Malnutrition causes the brain to focus 100% of its attention on food- finding it, getting it, eating it. Daydreaming or fantasizing about food does not mean you are not sick; quite the opposite, in fact.

“But I enjoy eating!” Most people do. Eating is enjoyable. Even in the depths of my restriction, the food I ate brought me great pleasure. It’s linked to the previous point, to a certain extent. Enjoying food does not mean you don’t have an ED.

“But this is just how I am!” Eating disorders often start in early childhood, and it can be hard to break out of a pattern that well-entrenched. It’s not impossible, though. Chronic eating disorders can be harder to beat, but they can be beaten.

–

(part of Mental Health Awareness week)

For more information on eating disorders and what to do if you think you have one, visit

www.b-eat.co.uk

www.webiteback.com

http://www.something-fishy.org

NHS- overcoming eating disorders

www.joyproject.org

My dad came back home just to sit in the table i was studyng at, while he was in a videocall talking and getting drunk with his friends, i love my dad so much i went to my bedroom ´cause i can´t even study in my own house without being bothered💗