Latest Posts by sadjapes - Page 5

I really needed this right now...

I just feel so ugly inside and out.

I'm back from rehab and had electroshock therapy and I'm not allowed on my computer for a while but that's OK. I feel like a washed up has been that's just a mistake with no friends but it'll pass one day. Probably.

Fyodor Dostoyevsky // Alanis Morissette

Back from another mental health crisis that lasted a month.

I am going to the hospital tomorrow I hope. Been a while since I went been feeling not right in my head. Been kinda down and wrong with my meds. In two days something weird is going to happen.

I gotbhurt but I hung out with. It's a secret.

They turned out perfectly fine and I had a great day even though I am going to sleep for a while and then maybe leave the internet.

They're in trouble it's all my fault and I don't know what to do. I wish I knew a better way to help them all.

Dec 15, 2023

WHY / WHY ME (repeated)

Now I know everything I thought wasn't real really isn't real. I've been having delusions for years. It's been harrowing. I've bothered others, gone off the deep end. If only I could go back 5 years and undo what has happened and what I did. I don't feel the crippling guilt anymore at least that's lasted my entire life.

Nobody really talks about violence against men and it's a shame.

“Conditions are never perfect. “Someday” is a disease that will take your dreams to the grave with you. If it’s important to you, and you want to do it “eventually”, just do it - and correct your course along the way.”

— Tim Ferriss

“Because once you hear something, you can never return to the time before you heard it.”

— Jonathan Safran Foer // Everything Is Illuminated

Considering I spent the last 3 years getting wrecked by life, I don't feel much like drawing right now. Much less do I feel capable of greater forethought than only a few moments in advance before I forget stuff. I'm going to focus on my health and recovery 2024.

I'm definitely not the same person I used to be. I'm so different I can't explain it.

if you *really* want to try and understand psychosis, I always offer the experience of dreaming.

Almost everyone on the planet dreams, and I find it to be a perfect comparison for psychosis... Anything can happen in a dream and you don't question it. This is your reality. If you're suddenly an astronaut, you don't typically question it. If there's suddenly a dragon, you don't typically question it. A monster can crawl out of the bushes or a stranger can appear in your house. Anyone can be someone they're not. Danger can come from anywhere. A pleasant dream can easily become a nightmare.

The only difference is that you wake up in the morning and it's over. And most people don't judge you for it. When you "wake up" from psychosis, there's often shame and people judge you.