Autistic Things - Blog Posts

Does anyone with food sensitivities ever get food they like delivered and after meticulously looking through it to make sure it's safe to eat you take a bite and feel the crunch of an onion. Me: Screaming, crying, gagging, heaving, entire body crinkles like aluminum foil.

Just me? ok cool

adults disciplining children: i think i will communicate with this brand new human in the loudest, rudest, most obnoxious and socially off-putting way possible

“Autism doesn’t cause low empathy! In fact we’re all just hyperempathetic we’re not bad peo-“

SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP.

There’s a few things going on with this statement.

1. Assuming that low empathy makes someone a bad person. It does not. Actions are what matter, not empathy levels.

2. Demonizing autistic people whose low/no empathy they attribute to their autism. Autism fundamentally impacts the way you interact with the world, others, and yourself. That includes empathy.

Anyway I love you people with low/no empathy this is a safe space for you <3

Signed,

A very pissed off autistic person with fluctuating empathy levels

Soren rambles

random text post about pants i guess

why the hell do jeans hurt so bad to wear specifically "women's" pants for the most part there so stiff and tight and hurt my knees because they jut out more then they should it still happens with "men's" pants but not as much

could be because im autistic with weird sensory issues or could be because jeans are created from the pits of hell

do NOT leave me alone in a room if u dont want me to sort shit

meeting with your fam for christmas so crazy cuz ure just reminded where u got ur autism genes from

"you've been really quiet recently, what happened? Why don't you talk as much anymore"

maybe because everytime i get excited and start talking to you, you say I'm being too loud, shut up omg, to calm down and "wow you're really talkative aren't you?"

like what do you want from me at this point???

it makes me kind of sad to see how many people online make fun of autism depictions in media... even the "stereotypical" ones. i often see people make fun of media with autistic characters (either canon described as autistic, or heavy implications and autistic traits) and then say its because its "inaccurate" and "stereotypical" and "overexaggerated" like... are we ignoring the fact that some autistic people do present that way?

my personal example of this is the tv show the good doctor, i watched the first couple seasons when i was like 14ish and first coming to terms with my autism diagnosis (before that point i had done everything i could to ignore it, and my mom had hidden the fact that i was diagnosed from me for a few years because she didnt want me to feel bad... i was diagnosed around age 10 and really would have benefitted from support, but never got any)

i am aware that the show doesnt have the best representation and isnt the most accurate, and i do wish the actor who played the character had been autistic, for better representation as well as promoting autistic actors... but i still loved the show, medical science is a special interest of mine and i have wanted to be a surgeon ever since i was very little, so i really liked to see a show about a topic i love that shows someone like me being successful! i was very happy!

later on i ended up going online and searching the show, all i saw were people making fun of the show and making fun of the character for autism things... all done under the "nobody actually acts like that" argument... it really did hurt me a lot, because i actually act like that. a lot of the struggles the character had are real struggles i face as an autistic person, even if the show doesnt always represent them the best

i struggle with making friends, i struggle with physical touch, i struggle with saying the "wrong" thing and not really knowing how to converse (especially in emotional situations), i am monotone, i need rigid routines, etc etc... so i was very happy to see a show with someone like me!! and it makes me sad how many people make fun of it with the excuse of "nobody is actually like that" because yes! people are! i am!

When I made a friend at work I was literally like:

and I regret nothing 😂

-VENT-

I grew up being told to hug family I didn't want to and was low-key treated like a doll to be dressed up/act however they wanted. No input from lil ol me.

I love cuddling but get overwhelmed really easily, so it's easier to just say I don't like being touched; but that's not true! I just don't want to push someone away and hurt their feelings so I just say I don't like it. I feel intrinsically guilty at expressing boundaries, but also know that they are important and have improved on doing it anyway. Physical affection and compliments are incredibly hard for me to accept and I get nauseated whenever being told positive things. It was always a manipulative tactic (and some people in my life are still like that). Now I have a very strict touching boundary. I'm proud I can do that for myself, but I do wish I could just cuddle on the couch with someone in a platonic way, and then get away from them without it being a big deal. I'm sensitive to smell, touch, lights, and sound like a LOT. So many people have gotten butthurt about me not liking their perfume or being uncomfortable when they get in my bubble. I give good eye contact, but responding to things is tough for me. I give a lot of thumbs up like 🙂👍 and some people think it's a disrespect thing. It ain't, I swear! If I don't know how to respond, I have no issue saying that! Like "I don't know how you want me to respond" or "Very nice".

It gets tiring constantly having to justify myself to myself, let alone to other people. Like yes, I don't wanna handshake, high-five, or hug. No, I actually don't know how to keep conversing with you or respond to your joke, I'm sorry. Especially since I work with customers all day, I get a lot of backward moments bc I can't always get the tone when someone is actually upset or joking, so I do a lot of head tilts or "very nice" and "no problem" And some people do NOT like that at all, others get embarrassed on my behalf. Doesn't help that I wear a mask, but I mask less when I'm wearing it (ironic I know)

Anyway, I'm good 😂

Am I the only one who needs explicit consent to be friends? Like yeah you gave me your number and we talk all the time, but can I send you random stuff? Can I say we're friends? I'm not assuming anything, just tell me please 🥺

Fungisonas!

Mine and my friend's (corrupted.apples) fungisonas!

I loved this drawing bc of the cursed faces, they are my favorite lol

I'm here with you on this. It's such a scary thing to have to look them in the eyes and see a different glance staring back. It's especially hard to have to rationalize everything that happened in your head, just enough so to make sure your friend has some sort of clue what you're talking about when you explain the situation later on. Cause they're gonna ask. And you'll have to answer. And it's so nerve-wracking. Ugh

Nobody talks about how hard it is to face people again after you've had an episode in front of them

Once they've seen you do full-force into self-destruct, they always look at you with a sense of wariness and like you're not the person they thought you were

The shame makes me want to rip my skin off

Pick your most frequently used

I should start a blog called "How to Do Things Wrong". People can watch I do as much research as my attention span will let me do that day and then witness my anxiety foil all my preparations.

(Sponsored by the fact that it took me an hour to fill out a form that asked me to describe me and my work.)

I can tell you that old autism research in the times before science said that we were changelings and that masking is neuro-divergent peoples way of feeling like functioning members of society. I can tell you the full name, date and place of birth for all the characters of Harry Potter. I can tell you that my favourite Queen song is the 1986 Rock in Rio performance of Love of my Life when the crowd are chanting Brian Mays name. I can tell you in d e t a i l the 12 labours of Heracles and call him Heracles not the roman Hercules and how Cyrene is criminally underrated.

I cannot tell you what the difference between trigonometry and Pythagoras's theorem is or how to balance and equation.

Such a mood. I wish I had the space to collect more things but I don’t

The autistic urge to collect

Little more serious post/rant today. Sorry it’s so long, I don’t feel like doing a TLDR. If you don’t want to read about mental health struggles skip this post. Hope to return to goofy dumb stuff soon.

Dealing with heartbreak sucks. I’m not a perfect person but being lied to and feeling like no one gives a crap because you’re a flawed and broken person trying to be as good as possible is one of the worst things in the world, especially when they then continue to act like nothings wrong.

What makes it worse is when I’m not entirely sure what all exactly I did wrong. I know of a few things that I’ve been working on since finding out, but I was never really given a reason as to why it all fell apart. I don’t know if it was all my fault or not and I hate that. Like I’m a deeply empathetic person and care about what those I care about think and feel. I want them to be happy. And if I make them unhappy I want to know why so I can improve myself in areas I may be lacking.

I mean, they’re my friends, family, or other loved ones. The people whose opinions I care about. But with being autistic it’s really hard to not be a people-pleaser sometimes, and sometimes I just want things to go back to how they were. But they aren’t going to and so I want to try to be better. When that’s not feasible for any reason, whether because I’m too dumb to figure out how, or people just won’t tell me what I did wrong, or whatever, it hurts like hell.

I’ve spent a good chunk of my life so far living through a personal Hell, and the only things keeping me sane is a loving family and a good therapist. I’ve been blessed with great parents, though often times they don’t know how to help. My therapist has told me that I need friends. The thing is, my friends rarely speak to me anymore, they’re always busy, and care more about their friends at college or at work. They’ve all moved on in their lives, and seem to have completely forgotten about me. And yet I can’t help but still care about them.

I live each day with crippling pain and intense loneliness and it feels like nothing ever changes socially. I can grow and improve myself all I want, but that won’t make people like me or even remember me. Because at the end of the day, I’m still an autistic, depressed freak of nature that the world and society aren’t made for. And I’ve got to live with that every day. Sometimes I grow so tired of it that I wish I was different so that I could feel accepted and wanted. So that I can feel worthy of being loved by someone else.

Oftentimes, as I’m doing things I enjoy by myself, I feel like I’d be happier spending my time with someone else. But no one cares enough to do that. Not anymore anyway. They’ve all got lives and I’m stuck unable to work while waiting for school to start. Life is lonely. One of my favorite songs, At the Risk of Feeling Dumb has the lines “At the risk of feeling dumb, check in / it’s not worth the risk of losing a friend” I wish I was worthy enough of a friend for people to check in from time to time.

But to be honest, I’ve lived this long without it, that at this point it feels like a luxury just out of my reach. There was a time I really really needed it, and didn’t receive it, and yet I’m still here. Somehow I made it on my own. I know I’m capable of doing it all on my own, but I don’t want that. I want other people to be around. I want them to want me around. And right now that’s just not really a possibility.

I’m so tired. I woke up this morning feeling really freaking depressed, and getting this all out of my head onto the one site where no one knows who I am (except of course for one person), and where next to no one reads this blog of mine, feels good.

If you’ve read this far, thank you. Have a good day because you deserve it. I hope to have a more goofy, fun post out either later today or sometime tomorrow.

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who liked or reblogged something from you! Get to know your mutuals, followers and all the wonderful people on here!!! :]

Awww! Sorry if I don’t do it right, I kinda slow 😭 but stuff I like is

1: hyper fixation on my fav character or ship

2: drawing

3: listening to music with my headphones or just wearing my headphones

4: seeing new art or fanfiction of my favorite ship

5: watching my favorite shows/movies or YouTube videos on repeat

I hope this answered it! Sorry I overthink sometimes :)

I wish non autistic people could experience the feeling of having a person they feel like they don't have to mask around.

I spent most of Saturday with my Girlfriend, not masking, and I feel the same as I imagine a 2 weeks cruise to the Bahamas feels.

I love following my fellow autistics' blogs cause sometimes i randomly open one and it's like "oh hey, i see they're in their (whichever) era rn, hell yeah" and it is just such a comfy, familiar feeling to be irrationally obsessed with something for weeks to months at a time lolol. Love the art, by the way, haha!

THIS ASK I WANT TO HANG THIS ASK ON MY WALL!!!! I LOVE U ANON U UNDERSTAND THE JOY OF AUTISTIC HYPEROBSESSIONS AAAA

The way my autism presents means that the way I’ve learned to socialize is via fiction as a kid I would frequently repeat lines of dialogue I either read or heard in a show in response to situations that matched the scene I was referencing. This works fine and dandy and as someone whose older now I use far less refrences as I’ve learned how to do my own thing. That said every single fuckin time I’m in a situation where I hear something unfortunate ranging from I stubbed my toe to my loved one died my instinct is to say

“that’s rough buddy”

I have at this point learned to only use such default responses for light tension situations, because as a child I eventually realized my quotes didn’t always land and I’d have to learn to socialize more independently.

Have a good day/night to the unfortunate soul that read through this ramble.

there are two sides of neurodivergency: socially awkward and awkwardly social.

whenever i have a new hyperfixation, i suddenly need to know everything about it and own every piece of merchandise that has ever been created because its the only thing i can think or talk about.

i simply cannot like something in a “normal way”

Omg omg omg. It all makes so much more sense when you realise it's not social anxiety but a fear of bring perceived.

Why do you feel more comfortable with a long coat and a mask as opposed to summer clothes?

Why do you DESPISE taking pictures? Especially if it's someone else and not you taking them.

Why do you feel like you have to stop doing whatever it was you were doing when someone passes by?

Why don't you want to tell anyone how leisurely you go about your day, taking a nap, going for a snack, sitting on your phone playing games etc. because you know they will comment on it and even though it's not negative or mockery it's still feels like you've been perceived?

Why can't you make eye contact? Why can you do it only if the other person is looking away but the second when they look at you you stop listening and when you're the one speaking you can't bear to look at them because you know their eyes are on you and they are perceiving you?

Why don't you want to dress excessively or wear nicer clothes? Because you will stand out

People mistake you for shy because you don't speak often, but it's really the fear of drawing attention to yourself more than it is the things you actually say, isn't it?

Why do you hate overpopulated areas even when no one is speaking? BUT you still feel more comfortable when more than one person is in the room (but not too many!) so that the burden of being perceived is directed on someone else and you can safely lay back just observing the scene.

It's all a defence mechanism

Love having an autistic family. We got my audhd dad, Mr “I’m not autistic, I understand social cues. I’m a salesman”, my stepmom, Mrs “I’m not neurodivergent and ALSO my stuff always has to be clean. Autism is in vaccines. I’m obsessive about cleanliness and cry when the house isn’t spotless”, my brother (average ADHD 9 year old) and my sister, (autistic as shit) and then me. I guess we can count my mom but she’s just bipolar and hates me. Oh and then there’s me! I read the whole dsm in math class instead of listening and still passed the class!

Do any other autistic or adhd people relate to like, feeling scared of losing a hyperfixation or special interest? Like, its this thing that means so much to me and makes me so happy and the idea of not enjoying it anymore scares me in a way, i guess.

how it feels to properly interpret a social cue

(especially bc I'm not good at communication lol)

Something I learnt a while ago is that having ADHD and understand it fully doesn't mean you can also understand an Autistic just cuz they are neurodivergent too. I know many autistics hate bright lights, I can't understand why though, I never have an issue with them and just can't imagine what that feels like no matter how much I try. I know facial expressions and implied meanings in sentences can be confusing and often very frustrating for Autistics, but I just...can't figure out why or how that feels. maybe this is also why explaining executive dysfunction to NT's is as difficult as it is, :/ its difficult on both ends, to explain it and to understand it but its worse if they dont even try to support you or get you help when you need it, you dont have to understand it to be a good person :/

Help from Autistics about an Autistic OC?

I considered writing and representing an Autistic OC among my other OC's in their story but while I have ADHD, I don't know a whole lot about Autism so I've been trying to research it but medical documents teach me nothing about the daily struggles, how complex it actually is or all the minor details no one ever talks of, so I tried asking Reddit but it keeps deleting my posts and accounts :/ so since I joined Tumblr now, I am considering continuing with that idea and I would really love if those who actually have autism could help me understand it better and teach me what its like <3 To make it clearer what I'm looking to know: What are some everyday struggles or ‘small’ autistic experiences that most people (or medical docs) don’t talk about? Like sensory quirks, social misunderstandings, or routines that feel vital to you? How does autism affect your emotions or relationships in ways that might surprise outsiders? Are there traits or habits you have that you love about being autistic? (I want to avoid making the character just a list of struggles) Do you have any pet peeves about how autism is written by non-autistic people? Tropes to avoid? Literally any detail you’re willing to share would help—even random anecdotes! I want to write this character with depth, not stereotypes. any help is appreciated! 💖