⭐️rving - Blog Posts
Meanspo?? for myself and others If wanted
You say you want it, but your actions prove otherwise I mean look at yourself, observe what you’ve done to get there you chose food over your dream you chose comfort over progress over confidence over perfect and for what the temporary gratification choose discomfort and thin will choose you, choose gratification and fat will choose you, now again do you want it?
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The person you want to become is not built through comfort,she’s built through pain through hunger through sacrifice you have to ask yourself how bad you want how bad do you want you dream body you’ve craved forever let you crave that more than food,do it for the bikini body,for the envious stares,do it for the sculpted face,for the light and dainty body,for the thigh gap,the flat stomach with light abs,every outfit looking sublime,do it for the thigh gap,for the model body,and most importantly to respect the person you see in the mirror and be satisfied with yourself to reach your full potential and be proud! It will pay off.
Choose progress over comfort and you shall be rewarded
Thinspoo
Bro my dad told me my legs are getting fat..
Enough motivation to starve for the whole yr
3dblr intro!
I’m 17 yrs old, I go by Tia
I’ve had Ana for about 4 yrs on and off
My last account had 400 followers:(
I went by th1nbbutterf1y,this is my fourth acct😣
Stats:
Height 5,4
Cw:127 lbs
Gw:108
Ugw:103
Hw:141
Lw:114😩🙃
I will be posting thinspo,daily logs,motivation,random thoughts ect.
why won’t the weight js drop faster 😭 i’m losing my mind
pacing and watching girl, interrupted is so peak
People- why are you starving??
🙏🏽god forbid a girl save money and food in this economy.
Maybe if I was Skinner he would have loved me more.
Hello lovelies. 💕
So I thought I'd take you down my mental health decline. Since i can't exactly tell my friends about it much. So- story timeeeeee.
But basically when I was 5-6 my dad started getting restrictive with food because no man wants a fat wife. And he would yell all the time and be mean so I sought comfort in food,but felt really guilty about eating anything. Especially since I'd sneak into the kitchen at night to have a snack,I stopped when he threatened to lock the kitchen up. I got caught up in binging from a young age,it wasn't I'm full, it was the comfort I craved. Like it was saying everything would be okay...but then the second I realised I swallowed it all and it was inside me it felt like the world could eat me alive.
Gradually I gained weight, everyone noticed... everyone said something. But everything stung when it came from my dad,I wanted his validation. He wanted perfection. Turning me into a perfectionist at the tender age of 6,I couldn't look at my body for too long always making sure I didn't look terrible. I guess you could say that's when the body dysmorphia began, I have an older sister who's naturally petite so that was the goal/standard. Just like her I needed to get good grades,be skinny,be quiet, be respectful. Know my place. It's only then that I could earn even the slightest bit of his love.
He kept fighting with my mom,so I ate,and ate and ate my stomach hurt not just because I was full but because It hurt to continue but I wanted to feel at ease.
At 7 in the first grade I was bullied,I was normal weight then they call me a fat oily cookie basically,too dark, fatty,piggy and well other cruel names. I had only one friend but she was a social butterfly while I was shy and quiet. She spent time with others while I ate lunch in the bathroom,I didn't want them to watch me eat. I felt humiliated. The few times I sat with people the
"are you gonna finish that?"
"look at piggy go"
"Ew with how big she is you'd think she'd slow down"
The comments came in from ages 7- from boys mostly,I cried and told my mom I didn't have friends and I was getting bullied. She told my dad and he went to the school and well that didn't help it got worse as I got slightly outcasted as a snitch/and a good two shoes that couldn't take a joke.
At 3rd grade I finally made a friend's,they were all skinny..and pretty I tried my best to fit in. Every adult around me kept mentioning I should lose weight, join spots etc. It really didn't help much with my confidence not that I had any to begin with,I was jealous of my friends. I just really...really wanted to be pretty yk?
At age 9 it got worse,I was already heavy and my sister would make me go on runs while chasing me with a stick so I could lose weight. But equally that's when the depression started settling in,I knew something was off persay because I wasn't happy. But I felt like I had to be happy for the sake of my mom and my friends. I didn't understand what was wrong with me,why was I so...sad. so I dived into food once more,it was my friend. I think that's also around the time when the first voice in my head started. It's rather strange hearing voices at such a young age, especially when one was telling me to kill myself and to keep eating because that's all I know how to do. When I was sad all I'd hear think about is food. In school the bullying became worse when to kids who didn't even know the term I suppose I became their "I don't wanna be like her" I wasn't pretty enough for anyone. I was fat. That's all they saw me as. At age 11 my friend told me about ditching a lunch box and instead taking money and buying food at school. So,I stopped taking food to school and instead I saved the money and didn't eat. I was never a "breakfast" girl it makes me nauseous, I wasn't having lunch. So everyday after school I'd eat dinner. My one meal a day but it was full lol making sure I ate for every second I missed out on.
My thoughts since I was 5 was good this and food that. My dad looked at me in disgust always telling me to lose weight because that's what men preferred. At age 12 I got a phone and searched up ways to lose weight,the bullying got really bad to say the least and I was getting desperate. Especially once I got a crush on a guy and he said
"why would I date or even like someone that big,I'm not into whales"
It broke my heart. I wanted to be pretty for him, I've always had fixations with certain foods but once again I found myself binging I couldn't control not eating my feelings. I tried the normal way working out and what not but it didn't work.
My sister would tease me saying I'd always be fat. For everyone it was harmless jabs but to me-...it was pent up frustration and the need to be..better to be perfect.
When I hit 13-14- my mom bought a scale. I was set,a work out routine and I found out about calories. I read about a guy offering to assist one with losing weight but the methods were questionable, but that didn't matter as long as I'd get skinny. That's when the second voice started,you need to be smaller- you need to be skinny no one will love you when you're so fat.
And it's all I would think about on a daily, I'd see my friends being skinny and I'd go home just to pinch my stomach,that's when I realised that I hate myself. I couldn't look in the mirror anymore without pure disgust. I came across a Wattpad book that offered tips on weightloss but extreme methods and they didn't seem too bad,the first time I went on a fast. I felt powerful,like I was in control for the first time,my emotions weren't leading me. I liked that feeling.
Then covid hit when when I was 14-15- and I found myself attracted to not eating at all. The idea of perfection ruled my life when every single second I thought about food. Things were getting bad with my dad and I wasn't coping, I started self harming in order to either get numb or just feel something.
Drink a cup of water every hour or 2-3 liters of water a day
I would unintentionally starve and I'd feel really..really good about it. Then I got on the scale and watching the numbers go down was euphoric, especially when my parents started noticing the weight loss they were..proud of me.
I wanted more,I made a calorie intake schedule basically Lol and it was 2000 - 3000 calories for 4 weeks. Nothing higher than 500 calories was allowed. I'd hear the rules in my mind almost like a game,if I did well I'd feel good and get praise,if I did bad I'd self harm.
Work out for an hour twice a day.
Eat before 5 pm
Dry fast from 8am until 3pm
I'd work out without water sometimes - because water is earned, it's a privilege. At 3pm I'd drink water in one sitting. Then I'd have foods that were allowed.
I called it the 💕 Perfection plan 💕
I started losing and fast, and I felt so good too. The voice in my head made feel good convincing me I was going great. But then the fighting started again and I'd have binge days, I got on Kik with other girls who introduced me to ana and eating disorders, and I told myself I don't have one I'm just losing weight. I'm different because I can stop whenever I want, I'm in control.
Things got harder at home with my dad and I found a coach I was 15 and he was 28ish,he offered to help me. Granted I knew better after multiple failed scams, he didn't want nudes,he just loves skinny girls and he took pleasure in knowing he helped them get there. He told me to carve his name into my thigh to prove my dedication, and he introduced me to purging. I didn't like it at first but I was desperate to lose more. He controlled what I ate,how long I worked out and what I did. I lost a good 10kg within a month or a month and a few weeks.
I got good at starving,my parents congratulated me. They celebrated me. Finally I was worth something.
But then shit hit the fan again, I lost touch with the coach and started binging I gained it all back. But I got addicted to purging,it didn't matter if I ate as long as it made its way out right?
After every meal,like clockwork I'd hear it.
"you ate too much,take it out"
And so I did. I cried because I couldn't stop the cycle,I didn't know how to fix myself. I wanted to fix me. My sister got me a gym membership but I get panic attacks going outside,the thought of being watched haunted me so I never used it.
I got sent to a psychiatrist after they found out I was self harming who diagnosed me with severe depression and anxiety. I didn't think mentioning my small Obsession with being perfect.
"she's a danger to herself and if you aren't careful you'll lose her"
The second I got the diagnosis I didn't feel relieved, I knew I had depression but it's him confirming it that just made it so...real. Almost like he was confirming my own worrys. That there was something actually wrong with me. My dad would call me useless and lazy and ungrateful why would I want to kill myself when I had a roof over my head?
My dad cried and told me he was a bad parent and maybe he should just kill himself if I was that miserable. They made sure I left the house in long sleeves because showing my scars brought shame to the family.
My need for control has always been there in small things such as cleaning a certain way,placing things in certain places, organising stuff was a heaven. I got treatment for depression but I couldn't mention anything else because my dad was in the room with us,how do I mention I have little interest in food when I'm overweight. How do I mention that my entire existence disgusts me- that I only eat out of obligation like it's a chore. That I need that control so I don't spiral.
I went a few times and just when I got comfortable in telling my doctor everything,a sense of security my dad pulled me from therapy saying to get over the phase.
My meds taken away which sent me into a deep depression being abruptly pulled off meds. At 16 I kept trying to lose weight but it would always come back I was almost there,but the binging came back all at once. I got bullied again, walking with my "guy best friend"...they called us beauty and the beast...he was beauty and I was the beast...or they'd call me Fiona from Shrek.
I got back into starving,the urge to be perfect consuming my everyday thoughts but I'd always turn to food yk. I didn't want it,I probably needed a hug but stuffing my face would do. When I turned 17 I thought damn...what's the point of trying if I'm gonna gain anyway. I gained once again getting to my highest weight 243,8 lbs.
I got really sick at 18 and was sent to a "camp" - for 7 months and I lost weight again getting to my lowest weight of 176,3 lbs. And I felt really good. My boy best friend ended up hurting me and I found out my lifes been a lie at 19 after failing my last year of highschool I went back to food. Because why was I trying to please someone that didn't care.
I'm 20 now. I know something is definitely wrong with me aside from depression. Do I have an eating disorder? I don't think I do, perhaps the denial is lovely enough to make me think what I'm doing to myself is normal. I don't like eating not just because of the guilt, but the way my head gets so loud when I do.
Me and my boyfriend just broke up and well it kinda wrecked me,maybe just maybe if I was skinny he'd want me.. maybe then he'd fight for me. I've hit a decline recently and Honestly I feel good about it. I never wanted recovery, because I didn't think I needed it. I'm not sick enough to complain. Call it delusional but it doesn't feel like I could have an ed being this big. But that's only referring to me not anyone else,so I'll basically be making this account my entire journey into turmoil. Like a YouTube channel lol but with words. I'm aware perfection doesn't exist but to me it does.
My stats are as follows.
Height weight- 5'5/ 164'7 cm
Highest weight - 243.8 lbs
Current weight- 218.2 lbs
Lowest weight- 176.3 lbs
Goal weight - 100lbs
I posted my goals list already. 🌸 this time I won't stop. I will be good enough even if it kills me. ♡ My 21st has to be perfect. I have to be perfect. And I will be.
Really? Your "big" pickup truck/suv and you duallies only weigh around 6k lbs. 6k is nowhere near 80k lbs. You dont even need to do the math. Semi trucks and heavy trucks are bigger period. I have 18 wheels for the weight, not 4, because this isnt just another truck.
Stay away from my truck and stop pretending like you're a truck driver who knows how to drive one of these. You will not fall through any bridges. When the signs say truck they mean me, not you. You're going to get punted just as hard as any prius trying to cut me off. Getting hit by one of you feels like blowing a tire, which is to say, barely noticeable.
That woman trucker who nearly fell off the bridge and those truckers who burned to death in the i80 tunnel in wyoming were caused by pickup drivers. You're all so reckeless and there are so many of you smashed in the ditch, I think you should get your license revoked just for asking for an oversized grocery getter, because I guarantee you're shiite drivers.
While Im on it, your class A RV or 5th wheel is fancy plastic trash. Thats why you can pull one with a tiny dually pickup. Have you seen accidents with them? The house they drive through in twister had more structural integrity. Stay in your lane, too.
America, you're all way too comfortable with an 80,000 lbs warehouse on wheels rolling behind your car. Three semi truck lengths isnt enough for us big rigs to come to a complete stop under perfect conditions, but it would be better than what you seem to think is plenty of space. That includes you lot who think you know how much is enough.
Yes, I know some truck drivers are unprofessional too and tailgate you, but that also should make you gravely uncomfortable.💀 Most of us have the sense not to endanger you, but you make it impossible. Im not supposed to be Charon, the ferryman of the dead. Im out here trying to make ends meet for me.
I need moots does anybody wanna be moots I’m new I don’t know anyone here I’m so sorry guys😭.
Losing weight is hard but being fat is harder…
SERIOUS QUESTION
How do you guys that have periods still deal with the cravings leading up to or on your period. For mine the whole week before and on I crave chocolate and sweet stuff so so so bad.
Just remember in 20 seconds the taste will be gone and all that will be left is the regret just like last time.
so, as one does, i was checking how much ive lost since i started properly tracking again. And, as fucked up little brainicles do, i was disappointed when it fell in the range of healthy weight loss for the time span (7.3kg in 2mo)
and then i realized that i was upset??? about being healthy???? and close to the upper limit of healthy?????
like wtf??????
idrc about whats healthy when it comes to weight loss (like im here lol) but ive never... actively not wanted to at least go about it in a more helathy way??
like im fucking religious abt taking my vitamins so i dont get scurvy or whatever. (after writing this the fact that my hard line for healthy eating is "having my flintstones gummies everyday" is... something)
anyways tldr is i had a "shit i am so far into my relapse ive reached new levels of fuckery" moment :/
so yknow how caffine is an appitite surpressant??
HOLY FUCK IS IT EVER???
2 energy drinks last night and i have have only the nice empty hungr¥ and no cr@vings all fucking day!!! literally all i have eaten is a bowl of shitty condensed tomato soup (love me my soup but the creamy stuff is way better)
BLOCK DON'T REPORT
minor
pro for me not for thee :P
non ed dni plz n thx <3
they/them
any/all
i like purple, stars, stuffies and butterflies
my special interest is languages
current hyperfixations are k-pop and star wars
peer-reviewed + self-diagnosed audhd O.O
open to asks and messages (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶) .ᐟ.ᐟ
Update 10/01/2025!
made personal tags:
#bird boned butterflies - general me tag
#birdcooks4butterflies - anything f0od (WIEIADs, recipes, meals etc)
#birdsd!ets4butterflies - gonna start making d!ets
#birdtalks2butterflies - just talking into the void :3
#birdrants@butterflies - ranting into the void
#birdposts4butterflies - daily post challenges
Stats below ^-^
Height: 176cm / 5'9
SW: 100.8 kg / 222.2 lb
CW: 86.9 kg / 191.6 lb
Milestone 1: 90 kg / 198.4 lb ✔
Milestone 2: 80 kg / 176.4 lb ✖
Milestone 3: 75 kg / 165.3 lb ✖
Milestone 4: 67 kg / 147.7 lb ✖
Milestone 5: 60 kg / 132. 3 lb ✖
Milestone 6: 55 kg / 121.5 lb ✖
GW: 50 kg / 110.2 lb
I kinda feel lucky both me and my bf are broke af cause that prevents me from gaining the couple weight. Like we would prob go out and eat ice cream every single day if we could afford it
why do I keep going over my cal limit
like I ate my maintenance cals for like 4 days now :(((
yall i literally b!nged sooooo bad for the past week bc i had my period :///
but it gave me sm motivation so it's time to lock in ;)
~Wieiad~
10•21•24
Breakfast:
• ?g cashews - ~175c
Total: ~175
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~My friend got trail mix this evening and we had been hanging out all day so I took some cashews to not raise suspicion but I really wish I wouldn’t have T . T Ik it wasn’t 200c so I’m not too upset about it ig but my fast is ruined now :C
I wasn’t planning on fasting tomorrow but I might now..tbd..
~Wieiad~
10•20•24
Breakfast:
• 27g Mini Blueberry Protein Bar - 104c
• 3 Unsalted Rice Cakes - ~125c
• 12g Chopped Dates - 39c
• 31g Caramel Rice Cakes - 119c
• Vitamins - 100c
Total: 487c
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I broke my fast right before I went to sleep.. I feel like maybe I could’ve lasted until this morning but my family has a history of heart attacks and my heart wasn’t acting like it’s usual self so I didn’t want to risk anything. Once I’m on my own it won’t matter but while I’m with my parents I’d prefer not to traumatize them if they even care enough lol.. I didn’t do too bad with the cal intake though, so ig there’s something kind of positive to think about? - and I’ve started another fast but I’m hanging out with a friend tomorrow and food might be around * . * Hopefully I can completely avoid eating but idk if I’ll be able to fast for as long as I’d like to :c I’ll l bring a can of green beans or something else low cal just in case so I hopefully don’t cause any suspicion. My friend used to have an 3d so she’s already pretty aware of some issues I have but I don’t want her to know the full extent of much I’m restricting myself.. but besides the food stuff- tomorrow should be fun. I’m going to help her move some plants and other stuff to her new house and we haven’t seen each other in a few weeks so we’ll have a decent amount to catch each other up on✨
(Side note: Caramel rice cakes are pretty good. I avoided them for a while but I got some a few days ago and they might be a new safe food for me now, I haven’t decided yet.. Cals aren’t great but it’s the lowest it can possibly be so I have to deal with it or avoid it again)
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~Tw 3d Question~
How effective is purging when you make yourself vomit? And what should I do for after care?
~(Late)Wieiad~
10•16•24
Breakfast:
• 2 rice cakes - 80c
• Pork cutlet - ~450c
Dinner:
• 22g pitted date - 67c
• 5g LS peanut butter - 16c
• 1.5g unsweetened coconut chips - 10c
• 3g dark chocolate chips - 16c
Total: 639c
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Went over 500c and I’m not happy about it but I’m gonna fast until Saturday so that’ll be fun at least
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~Wieiad~
10•15•24
Breakfast:
• 146g ZS Vanilla Greek yogurt - 60c
• 8g Chia seeds - 40c
• 50ml Coconut milk - 10c
• 80g Pumpkin Puree - 40c
• Ground Cinnamon - 8c
• 68g Frozen Strawberries - 24c
• 33g Frozen Raspberries - 17c
• 30g Frozen Blueberries - 16c
• 45g Frozen Blackberries - 29c
Snack:
• 5g CB whole wheat tortilla - 7c
Total: 251c
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Went mia for a little while because my mental health was complete shit and I had no energy to post on here but I should be back now✨